{ (set: $apartment_flag to false)
(set: $approach_flag to false)
(set: $boyfriend_flag to false)
(set: $dishes_flag to false)
(set: $police_flag to false)
(set: $searched_bar to false) }
My name is Jun. I live on a bench in Edogawa Park.
It's not a bad place to live. There's a covering overhead that keeps off the rain, and no one else lives in the park, so I have my privacy. More or less.
My routine is: I come home from my tutoring gigs at 9 P.M., take my bag out of a locker at the station, and stop by the gym to shower and change clothes. Then I go to my bench. I change into my slippers, eat dinner, roll out my sleeping bag, and am usually asleep by 10.
I've lived here seven months now, so I've come to know the neighborhood and its rhythms. I know the people who are around the park at night: the doorman to the luxury hotel next door, the joggers, the dog walkers, the late-night commuters, the skateboarders. I pretend not to see them, and they pretend not to see me. I don't know any of their names.
[[Except for her.]]"I'm from Edogawa Municipal High School."
Her face immediately relaxed.
"Oh, I see. You're looking for Ms. Ishii?"
"Ms. Ishii hasn't been coming to work lately, so the office sent me to look after her. Do you know where she is?"
"I haven't seen her in a while, but that's not unusual. That girl keeps to herself."
"I see. Hmm, the principal will be disappointed to hear that I couldn't reach her."
Lying to her was easier than I expected.
"If it would be any help for you... I have her spare key. She gave it to me for safe-keeping, but if this has to do with her work, maybe you'd better take it."
[[I took the key.]]{(set: $boyfriend_flag to true)}
"Actually, I'm her boyfriend... I've been worried about her."
The neighbor's face immediately melted into a smile.
"Ms. Ishii has a boyfriend? She never said a word about that. Isn't that like her!"
"She didn't tell you about me?"
"Oh, I'm not surprised. That girl keeps to herself—not one for talking to her neighbors, you know how it is. I see her when she takes out her garbage in the morning—I take care of the flowers in front of the building in the morning, you know, so I see her just about every day—and she'll say good morning, but that's all. I certainly haven't heard anything about a boyfriend! Well—that's nice, good for her. I thought she might be lonely, you know; **she hasn't had a visitor to her apartment as long as she's lived here.**"
"Have you seen her recently? I haven't heard from her in more than a week, and I was beginning to worry..."
"Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her in a while. I just thought she might be off traveling... last year she went to Aomori and brought me back apples as a present, that was nice."
"She's not here? She hasn't been to work, either..."
It was easy to fake an expression of concern, like a good boyfriend. Actually, I was beginning to be a little bit worried for real; there weren't a lot of innocent explanations for a young woman disappearing without a trace.
"You know, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you took a look in her apartment. I've got her spare key. She gave it to me for safe-keeping, but if this is an emergency, maybe you'd better take it."
[[I took the key.]]The neighbor retreated inside her apartment for a moment, then emerged with a key. I could hardly believe how easy it was to bluff my way into a complete stranger's apartment; I wasn't sure whether I should feel proud or guilty.
"Thank you for your help."
The door to apartment 46 unlocked with a click and I stepped inside.
Ms. Ishii's apartment was empty, of course. It was a modest economy apartment: bedroom, bathroom, mini-kitchen. Untidy, too, with dirty dishes in the sink and clothes on the floor.
I suddenly felt as if I hadn't thought this through. Here I was, seeing all these things that should have been private: her unmade bed, a pink bra and a bathtowel on the floor. I shouldn't have come here. What did I even hope to accomplish?
Well, she probably hadn't gone on a trip; she would have tidied up or at least done the dishes before she went on a planned vacation.
Actually, it made me kind of sad to see the sink full of dirty dishes. It almost felt like Ms. Ishii needed someone to help her out.
(if: $newGamePlus)[Was it ridiculous to think that washing her dishes might be a way to experience her daily life? It couldn't hurt to understand her better, if I was going to try to find her.
][[Do the dishes]]
[[Forget about the dishes—stay focused, Jun]] {(set: $dishes_flag to true)}
So before I even started searching her room for clues to her whereabouts, I rolled up my sleeves and washed her dishes.
Now that I think about it, I haven't washed a dish in half a year, since I lost my apartment. I don't have any dishes or a sink, so I stick to packaged foods. It actually felt good to get my hands soapy and scrub some dishes, like a taste of a different kind of life.
Once the dishes were washed and dried, I opened her cupboard to put them away. (No point in doing things halfway, that's what I think.) I couldn't help but notice that **Ms. Ishii only owned one set of dishes.**
I mean, she literally owned one plate, one set of chopsticks, one glass. She couldn't have invited someone over for coffee even if she had wanted to.
I thought that was a little sad, but then again, I live on a park bench, so I'm in no position to look down on anyone.
[[I began to search Ms. Ishii's apartment for any clues to her whereabouts.]]I resisted the bizarre impulse to wash her dishes. That was not the central issue here.
[[I began to search Ms. Ishii's apartment for any clues to her whereabouts.]]It was amazing how much *stuff* she had, at least from my point of view. Everything I own can fit in my backpack and my duffel bag. But she had a desk, a dresser, a closet all packed full of stuff.
I guess I used to live like this, too, not so long ago, but it felt like another lifetime.
Most of what I found wasn't any help at all. Just personal stuff, stuff that embarrassed me to look at. I went through her closet full of conservative suits for work, and pastel skirts and ruffled blouses for days off. I found out she had five different bottles of pale pink nail polish in nearly identical shades, and that she kept her makeup collection meticulously organized.
She had a stuffed rabbit on her bed, and her bookshelf was full of DVDs of American TV shows and paperback historical fiction.
There was only one photograph displayed on the bookshelf. It looked like a young Ms. Ishii on Coming of Age Day: her hair elaborately curled, her face rendered nearly unrecognizable with makeup, in a bright pink *furisode* with a white fur collar. The older couple standing beside her would have to be her parents.
I (link:"stole")[borrowed] the photograph, just in case it would come in handy later.
Her desk was still covered with students' math tests; the one on the top had been graded halfway and abandoned. I shuffled through the papers, looking desperately for something personal, anything that might give me a hint about what happened here.
My search turned up two useful clues among the mess. (I hadn't imagined Ms. Ishii to be such a slob!)
First: a handwritten note saying only: *coffee with Aki, 6/6*
June 6th was tomorrow, but since I had no idea who Aki was, or where they were going to get coffee, the note wasn't very useful for me.
On the other hand, it did rule out one of the possibilities behind Ms. Ishii's disappearance. It couldn't be suicide—could it? No one would make plans to meet a friend for coffee if they were going to commit suicide first. It was a relief to cross that off my mental list of worst-case scenarios.
The second clue was a business card. *Bar Peacock*, with an address somewhere in Shinjuku.
I'd never heard of it, but it might be a good place to continue the search.
[[Now I had a decision to make.]]{(set: $apartment_flag to true)}
The moment I gave myself permission to stay, I felt an overwhelming wave of relief. Just to get a night off from my regular life, just one night of reprieve...
My apologies, Ms. Ishii: the first thing I did in your apartment was walk around naked. I haven't had a second of real privacy in half a year. I walked around naked. I took three long baths. I watched some of her DVD of *Friends*.
I checked her refrigerator for food, but it was a pretty sad sight: two onions, half a bottle of mayonnaise, and eight out of a ten-pack of little bottles of probiotic yogurt drink. (I drank all the yogurt but left the onions.)
And after the greatest, most relaxing evening I could remember, I fell asleep in a real bed, with a soft mattress and silky sheets. I was out the instant my head hit the pillow.
In the middle of the night, half-awake, I tried to flip over the pillow to rest my head on the cool side of the pillowcase, and...
(link:"**whomp.**")[... managed to hit myself in the face with something solid concealed inside the pillowcase.
Turning on the bedside lamp, I reached inside the pillowcase and pulled out... Ms. Ishii's diary!
Yes, it was a violation of privacy to read her diary, but if it contained anything I could use to find her, then it was for a good cause. Besides, I was already sleeping in her bed, so it seemed a bit late to get squeamish about the social niceties.
[[Here I go...]]]Keeping Ms. Ishii's spare key just in case, I took the train back to Edogawa Park.
It was getting dark already. Another long night ahead: sleeping on a wooden bench, getting bitten by mosquitos...
[[In the morning, I continued the investigation.|investigation]]Here are some leads I can pursue:
(if: $searched_bar is false)[ [[Go to Bar Peacock
]]]\
(if: $searched_bar is true)[ [[Search the area around Bar Peacock
]]]\
(if: $police_flag is false)[ [[Go to the police
]]]\
[[No, I'm through with this|Ending 1]]This had gone far enough.
In the end, Ms. Ishii was a virtual stranger to me, and it wasn't my responsibility to find her. Actually, I had to admit that maybe the only reason I was looking for her at all was to distract myself from my own problems. Running around the city, solving mysteries... it was easier than facing reality.
So I never found Ms. Ishii. I let it go. And life moved on.
My tutoring business picked up, and eventually I could afford enough money to sleep in an internet cafe every night. So a new chapter in my life started.
Things are going to be better this time. It's only a matter of time before I can save up enough for key money and deposits for an apartment.
I never went back to Edogawa Park. Too many memories of a time in my life I don't care to look back on.
**Ending 1: Lost**
[[There are two more endings. Start over?|Lost and Found]]{(set: $approach_flag to true)}
"Excuse me. Are you Aki?"
Her head snapped up from her phone and she stared at me.
"I am. Um, you are...?"
Aki bit her lip and fiddled with her phone; she was probably reluctant to talk to a stranger. I wasn't sure what kind of lie to tell in this situation; should I claim to be a coworker or a boyfriend again, or would it be safer to just play an acquaintance?
"I'm looking for Ms. Ishii."
It looked like I wouldn't have to elaborate, because as soon as I said that, I saw Aki's shoulders slump.
"What do you mean, looking for her?"
I sat down across from her, coffee in hand.
"Ms. Ishii has been missing for about two weeks now. I've been looking for her... you're her friend, aren't you?"
"We were in college together. We still meet up every once in a while. I thought she was just running late... she's not answering her phone."
"When did you last see her?"
"A couple of months ago. She seemed fine, but I guess if something was going on with her, she might not have told me. What do you mean, missing?"
"She hasn't been going to work, her neighbors haven't seen her. Just... missing."
"**I can't believe this is happening again.**"
"Wait—what?"
"Nobuko disappeared during our summer vacation, senior year of college. She told me she was going to spend the summer back home with her parents in Okayama. But then a few weeks later, I wanted to invite her to go on a trip to the beach with some of our friends, and I called her parents' house. They said they hadn't seen her all summer, that she had told them she was staying in the city with *me* over the summer."
"What really happened?"
"I have no idea. I guess her parents must have gone looking for her, and maybe they found her. She showed up for the fall semester the next month, acting like nothing had ever happened. I never found out where she really was. It was kind of scary... I mean, Nobuko's a good person, she just has a weird streak, I guess. I'm sure she'll turn up again."
I needed to think, so I sat in silence with Aki and finished my coffee.
Had Ms. Ishii disappeared on her own, or had someone taken her? Either way, why had it happened before, and *why was it happening again*?
"How long have you known Ms. Ishii?"
"It's almost ten years now... god, it's been such a long time since we were in college together."
"And you have no idea why she would disappear?"
"We're friends, but it's not like she confides in me... you should ask someone she's closer to."
"Like who?"
"I guess I don't know who she talks to... Who *are* you?"
"I'm just looking for her, that's all."
That non-answer seemed to satisfy Aki, because she nodded and stood, gathering up her purse and phone.
"I hope you find her."
[[Back to the investigation|investigation]]I can't bring myself to bother a stranger. Not like this. Maybe it's just that I'm uncomfortable talking to women...
[[Back to the investigation|investigation]]There was a reception desk next to the screen displaying the available rooms. The woman at the desk was hidden by dark privacy glass, so that all I could see were her wrinkled hands, through the little hole at the bottom where we could exchange cash.
"Excuse me?"
"What room?"
"Actually, I'm looking for a friend of mine. I think she might be staying here."
While I fumbled in my pocket for the photo of Ms. Ishii, the receptionist cut me off.
"I'm afraid I can't discuss our guests, sir. What room?"
"No, no, it's not like I'm fishing for information here—I'm afraid my friend is in trouble. Look, this is her photo—"
"If you're not reserving a room, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Dammit!
I could understand the receptionist's point of view. This kind of business ran on secrecy. For all she knew, I could be a jealous husband or a private eye...
"Fine—sorry, sorry. Can I take... Room 403? For the night."
Room 403 was the cheapest room available, probably because it had a regular bath instead of a whirlpool. Even the cheapest room was 7000 yen for an overnight stay. I didn't even want to think about the money anymore. It didn't matter if I burned through my savings looking for Ms. Ishii, as long as I found her.
The receptionist took my cash and slid a key under the window.
[[I headed up to Room 403.|stayinghotel]]The best way to check out the hotel was probably to stay in a room. Room 403 was the cheapest room available, probably because it had a regular bath instead of a whirlpool. Even the cheapest room was 7000 yen for an overnight stay. I didn't even want to think about the money anymore. It didn't matter if I burned through my savings looking for Ms. Ishii, as long as I found her.
I pressed the button to select Room 403, and the silent receptionist, hidden behind dark privacy glass, took my cash and slid a key under the window.
[[I headed up to Room 403.|stayinghotel]]I took the stairs to the fourth floor, peering down the dim hallway of each floor as I went. The halls were carpeted, the doors featureless. Perfect privacy and anonymity.
Unlocking the door to Room 403, I slipped inside. With its pink walls and dim lighting, it was exactly what I imagined a love hotel to look like. A large-screen TV and a ceiling mirror completed the effect.
I stretched out on the bed (surprisingly comfortable) and considered the situation. All I was working with were hunches and guesses, but it seemed as if Ms. Ishii had probably been brought to this hotel. By force...
If she had been taken somewhere else after this, then the trail was probably cold. They cleaned the hell out of love hotels, after all.
But it was possible she was still inside Hotel X+O. This kind of hotel, in this kind of neighborhood... it was the perfect place to stash someone out of sight. In which case, all I had to do was keep an eye on the rooms of the hotel, to see if any of them never went vacant.
If this took more than a day or two, it was going to clean out all my savings. But I'd come this far looking for her, and if I didn't keep going, was anyone going to bother to find her at all?
So I established my amateurish surveillance routine. First I went down to the lobby, got myself a free Coke from the drink machine there, and made a note of all the occupied and unoccupied rooms.
I walked down the hallways of each floor. They were empty, except for one employee vacuuming the carpet. (We politely ignored each other.)
When no one was around, I tested the hotel's soundproofing by listening at the door of one of the occupied rooms. I thought I could hear the tinny moans of a porno video, but I wasn't sure.
And that's how I spent the night, pacing each floor of the hotel like a creep, checking the board of the lobby every half hour, and keeping a record of which rooms were turning over.
It was all easy—too easy. Come morning checkout, only two of the rooms stayed occupied. My own room, and Room 301.
Before the receptionist noticed me sneaking around the lobby yet again, I retreated up the quiet staircase to the third floor.
The early morning was silent in the love hotel—all the rooms empty except 301. I approached the door and listened at it, but heard nothing.
If Ms. Ishii was in the hotel, she'd have to be in this room. On the other hand, it was far more likely to be some innocent stranger in there, someone who might not like getting interrupted.
[[Knock]]
[[Break down the door]]
[[It's not too late to walk away|Ending 1]]
I had no idea what I'd find inside Room 301, but I had to give it a try.
I tapped on the door and waited. No answer. I knocked loudly, then, and put my ear against the door. I couldn't hear anything from inside.
Just in case, I tried the knob... and it turned easily in my hand. It had been unlocked the whole time! The door eased open and [[I stepped inside.|enterroom]]I'm not trying to be an action hero here, but I had to consider the possibility that Ms. Ishii wasn't alone in the room. That she had been attacked in the alley, that her kidnapper might still be with her, that she might be in real danger... and that knocking politely on the door might get my ass kicked.
So I took a step backwards across the hall and launched myself at the door, hitting it square on with my shoulder.
(link:"BANG.")[The door gave way easily, and I stumbled inside the room, clutching at my shoulder. What the hell! That hurt so much more than I thought it would!
[[Inside Room 301...|enterroom]]]The lights were off inside Room 301, and with the window blacked out for privacy, the only source of light was from the hall behind me. A little red light was glowing from what must have been a television. I couldn't even make out where the bed was, much less if anyone was inside.
"Hello? Is anyone here?"
There was no reply. But the atmosphere was heavy somehow, and I couldn't help but suspect that someone was there. I groped along the wall for the lightswitch, then flipped it. The lurid pink lights popped on with a faint buzz, and...
(link:"There she was.")[There she was.
Half-hidden behind the bed, Ms. Ishii was huddled on the floor. She didn't look as if she had been injured or restrained, but her hair was a mess and her eyes were wide in a pale, pale face.
"Ms. Ishii? It's me, I—"
Suddenly I realized that I had no reasonable explanation for being there. That I had wandered across the city, spent all of the very little money I had to find her, and I was still more or less a complete stranger...
But she looked up at me with naked relief in her eyes, and none of that seemed to matter much anymore. I had finally found her.
(if: $apartment_flag and $approach_flag and $boyfriend_flag and $dishes_flag)[ [[Wait a minute.|Ending 3]]]\
(else:)[ [["Come on, let's get you out of here."|Ending 2]]]]{ (set: $newGamePlus to true) }
"Come on, let's get you out of here."
I reached out for her, she grabbed my hand, and we ran.
We didn't need to say anything. There was just this silent mutual understanding that we had to put as much distance as possible between us and Hotel X+O. So we bolted out of the lobby and down the weird, empty morning streets of Kabuki-cho.
She was wobbly and slow in her heels, but we didn't stop running until we were on the train platform together. And then she just went limp like a string-cut marionette, sitting on the platform bench and shaking.
I bought her a can of vending machine coffee and sat next to her. She didn't talk for a while, but that was okay.
"Do you want to go to the police?"
"No, no... it's over now."
It didn't seem polite to ask her too many questions about what had happened. Instead, I took her necklace out of my pocket and offered it to her.
"I found this."
"My necklace... You're... from the park, aren't you?"
"My name is Jun. I meant to apologize to you, about back then..."
Ms. Ishii never wanted to talk about what happened to her. I can understand that. Trauma and bad memories and stuff.
(link-reveal:"But she was grateful that I'd found her, and one thing led to another.")[
We live together in her apartment now. I have a roof over my head, and neither of us have to be alone.
Still, I have a lot of questions about Ms. Ishii—not just about what happened to her, but about who she is, really. But that's only fair. She never asked me how I became homeless, or any of those things, so I let her have her privacy too.
No one can ever fully know another person, and nothing lasts forever. I feel like both Nobuko and I can accept that. For the time being, it's good to have each other.
**Ending 2: Found**
[[There is one more ending. Start over?|Lost and Found]] ]Wait a minute.
This was strange. This was all strange.
There was no one else in the room with her, no one forcing her to stay. Her arms and legs weren't tied or anything. The door wasn't even locked. There was no reason she couldn't have just walked out.
Why had it been so easy to find her? The Bar Peacock card right there on her desk, the necklace in the alley, the single occupied room in Hotel X+O... was I a master detective, or was it all too simple?
A refrigerator with nothing but onions and yogurt. One plate, one fork, one knife. That diary. The neighbor she never spoke to. The college friend who hadn't seen her in months.
The woman who offered pears to a homeless man living in the park—maybe not only out of generosity, but...?
I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked over at her. She slowly unfolded from the floor and sat next to me, fidgeting with her hands on her lap.
"You're... from the park?"
"Yeah. Are you okay?"
". . ."
"I was worried about you, so I started looking..."
". . ."
Talking about personal things isn't my strong suit. But I avoided talking to anyone about my own problems for so long that I ended up on a park bench. And I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I couldn't let Ms. Ishii go the same way.
"You weren't really kidnapped, were you?"
[[". . . no."]]I woke up in Ms. Ishii's bed, with the sunlight piercing through her white curtains, lighting up the room.
I had the idea then that I could try to go through Ms. Ishii's daily routine. Living a day in her shoes might give me the inspiration I needed to understand her: walk in her neighborhood, shop at her grocery store, see everything she saw before she disappeared.
So I started what I imagined Ms. Ishii's Saturday morning routine would be. I stretched out and admired the sunshine, then reluctantly rolled out of bed, leaving the blankets unmade, like she did.
Feeling a little ridiculous, I went to her closet and imagined picking out an outfit (pink skirt, white blouse with white polka dots—her personal clothes were much girlier than I had imagined). To keep up the illusion, I even looked through her makeup collection. It seemed like it would take her a long time to get ready in the mornings; I wondered if she enjoyed it or resented it.
I washed my face in her bathroom sink and brushed my teeth with her toothpaste (using my finger, not her toothbrush—I'm not an animal).
She normally carried a briefcase and purse on her way home from work; I saw that the briefcase was still in her apartment, beside her desk, but the purse was gone.
{(if: $boyfriend_flag is true)[As I headed out, I remembered that the observant neighbor lady in apartment 45 liked to garden in front of the building in the morning. I didn't really have a good way of explaining my overnight stay in the apartment, so I sneaked out using the back staircase.]
(else:)[I headed out the front of the building and looked around the neighborhood, trying to decide where Ms. Ishii would go first. But then I had the uneasy feeling that I was being watched...
The neighbor from apartment 45 was in front of the building, watering flowers and staring at me with visible suspicion. *Oh*, that's right, I had claimed to be a coworker from Edogawa High School, and that really could not justify an overnight stay in Ms. Ishii's apartment. I'd like to say that I came up with a clever explanation to allay her suspicions, but...
...instead I just walked briskly away from the building and didn't look back. Well, I could never go back there ever again. That was unfortunate.]}
I took a stroll through Ms. Ishii's neighborhood. It had looked nondescript from the train station, but up close it wasn't bad. There were plenty of things for a twenty-something woman to do on her day off.
Pretending to be Ms. Ishii, I window shopped at a patisserie, admired a high-end bicycle store, and stood and read fashion magazines at a chain bookstore.
[[But the most exciting thing in the neighborhood was definitely the cafe.]]{(set: $searched_bar to true)}
I waited until the evening to go find *Bar Peacock* in Shinjuku. The address led me right to the middle of Kabuki-cho. Not exactly where I wanted to be spending my evening.
<img src="https://imgur.com/mZwxJRP.jpg" width="400" height="300" alt="Kabukicho sign">
Kabuki-cho is all flashing lights, girls wobbling on high heels, tourist groups, men in dark corners. It's not like it's dangerous to walk around here; I just don't like the red-light atmosphere. It's depressing.
{(if: $apartment_flag is true)[And it didn't fit with my image of Ms. Ishii, either. A high school teacher, soft-spoken and polite, who still slept with a stuffed animal in her bed, didn't have any business in this neighborhood.]
(else:)[And it didn't fit with my image of Ms. Ishii, either. A high school teacher, soft-spoken and polite, didn't have any business in this neighborhood.]}
So what was she doing in Bar Peacock?
I had to wander around for a while before I found it. There was no neon sign, just a subtle plaque next to a staircase leading up to a dimly lit second floor.
The bar's entrance was at the top of the stairs. The sign next to the door said: *3000 yen cover*
Three. thousand. yen.
For some perspective, let me tell you what I can do with three thousand yen. Each day, I need to pay 300 yen for a medium-sized coin locker in the subway station to store my duffel bag. It varies based on my tutoring schedule for the day, but I spend an average of 500 yen a day on subway and train fare. I spend 4500 yen a month on my gym membership, which I need to be able to shower, so that comes to 150 yen a day. And if I'm careful, I can eat on less than 500 yen a day.
In other words, all I need for the basics of survival is 1500 yen a day. 45,000 yen a month. Everything else I can save.
So the cover charge for this bar is equivalent to the price of two days of my life.
[[But that doesn't matter—I've come this far, anyway.]]
[[No, I can't justify spending that kind of money. It's time to walk away.|Ending 1]]After Ms. Ishii left Bar Peacock, where did she go? Everything in the surrounding block looked even sketchier than the bar. A 'free information center' probably run by the mob, a karaoke joint blaring music out onto the street, a love hotel with color-changing neon lights around all the windows.
Too much noise, too many lights, (link:"*too many people*...")[*too many people*...
Without thinking, I had retreated into the alley between the bar and the love hotel. It was darker and quieter there, even if it did smell a little funny, so I could calm down and collect my thoughts.
<img src="https://i.imgur.com/8mLNdo3.jpg" width="412" height="550" alt="Alley">
Around me I saw parked bicycles, plastic crates full of dubious bottles, sticky garbage bins. And there was something glittering on the pavement not far from me. I went to pick it up.
It was a gold necklace with a pendant in the shape of a star. The clasp was broken. I felt like I'd seen it somewhere before...
That's right! It was in Ms. Ishii's photograph. She was wearing this necklace on Coming of Age Day. I felt like I'd remembered seeing her wearing it in person, too. She must have worn it every day.
So what was it doing on the ground in a Kabuki-cho alley? Something precious like this had no business being here. Ms. Ishii had no business being here.
There was one obvious conclusion, which I hated to admit to myself: Ms. Ishii wouldn't have lost something like this. Who would drop a necklace in some dirty back street? No, it had to have been ripped off her...
She had been here. There had been a struggle. And she had probably lost.
I had to stay calm. There was no point panicking now—if she had gone missing here, it was two weeks ago.
Let's say someone did overpower her here. Maybe the man from Bar Peacock. Where would he have taken her? He could hardly have dragged her kicking and screaming down the main street, not even in Kabuki-cho.
The alley itself had a couple of doors, rear entrances to the nearby businesses. I began to walk around each building in turn, figuring out which door led where. There was a 7-11 and a yakiniku joint, neither of which seemed like a great place to take a kidnapping victim.
But one of the doors in the alley was the back entrance to Hotel X+O: one of a dozen or so of the usual seedy-looking love hotels on this block.
If I were trying to kidnap a woman, I guess a love hotel would be the best place to keep her. Privacy, sound-proofing, no questions asked.
Just thinking about that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
[[It was worth investigating, just in case.]]]{(set: $police_flag to true)}
No.
Maybe getting the police involved would be the right thing to do. I'm sure they'd be better at finding a missing person than I am.
But I can't talk to the police. The last thing I need is to get arrested for vagrancy. So this isn't an option right now.
[[Back to the investigation|investigation]]Her name is Ms. Ishii. I know because she introduced herself to me last month.
"Excuse me... I'm Ishii. What's your name?"
I remember being shocked that she had spoken to me. I'd lived here half a year already, and I'd become accustomed to the polite illusion of my invisibility.
"Excuse me?"
"I happen to have some extra pears—my aunt sent me a box of pears from Yamanashi, I can't possibly eat them all. Won't you take some off my hands?"
It took me a minute to realize what was going on. She was making some flimsy excuse about excess produce to try to give food to the homeless man living in the park. Because she thought I looked like I needed it, because she thought I looked like a beggar.
"Would you like some?"
"No. I'm fine."
I still remember the look on her face. I can't forget it. The way her eyebrows crinkled and her smile faltered for just a second.
Why did I have to answer like that? Why did I have to be rude to the first person, the only person, who bothered to be kind to me? What was wrong with me?
"Oh—of course. Excuse me."
She walked off and that was that.
But the worst part was that she was one of the regular neighborhood commuters, a teacher, and she had to pass by my bench on her way from Edogawa Municipal High School to the subway station. So I had to see her nearly every day after that, in her neat little suit on her way home from another long night of overtime. She always nodded to me.
Frankly, she was a problem for me. Disturbing my peace, my fragile illusions of home and privacy here in the park, everything that made it possible to live here. I wished she would just ignore me like everyone else.
(link-reveal:"So why am I worried now that she's gone?")[
I haven't seen her in a while now. I thought maybe I just hadn't noticed her, or she was on vacation, or something, but it's been more than ten days, and no Ms. Ishii. School's in session, so where is she?
It's none of my business, but I can't stop thinking about her. It's not that I'm in love with her, or anything stupid like that. It's just that I was rude to her, and I never apologized. I don't want it to be too late to apologize.
[[I went looking for her in the only logical place.]] ]The school had a sign by the entrance: We refuse entry to unrelated persons, that sort of thing. Certainly I qualified as an unrelated person, and a suspicious one, at that. But no one stopped me when I entered, and I didn't have to go far to find a teacher.
"Excuse me..."
"May I help you?"
"Is there a Ms. Ishii at this school?"
There was a long pause.
"You're looking for Nobuko Ishii?"
Her tone of voice made me instantly uncomfortable. It seemed unlikely that the next sentence would be something innocuous, like, 'Ms. Ishii is on vacation in Hawaii until next week, may I take a message?'
"She does teach here, doesn't she?"
"I'm afraid Ms. Ishii has not been coming to work lately."
"You mean she's missing?"
There was an even longer pause.
"Ms. Ishii hasn't been to work for two weeks. I can take a message for her, but I can't be certain she'll receive it."
"No, it's fine. Sorry to bother you."
(link-reveal:"That night, the teacher I had spoken to stopped by my bench.")[
"Excuse me—it is you, isn't it? Who's looking for Ms. Ishii?"
I froze for a moment. Embarrassing—that's what it is. To have a virtual stranger stroll into my bedroom and strike up a conversation with me, while I'm sitting on my sleeping bag, already in my slippers.
"Yeah, it's me."
"I know I'm not supposed to do this, but you're the only one who's come looking for her so far."
She slipped a folded piece of paper into my hand, her eyes darting from side to side. For the time being, we were alone, but I had the feeling that the instant someone else came into view, she was going to bolt.
"No one's told me what happened. I'm not sure anyone at the school knows."
"She just stopped coming?"
"Two weeks ago. I saw her that Tuesday evening in the staff room. Everything seemed normal; she was grading homework and working on an activity for her chess club. She didn't look upset, she didn't mention anything out of the ordinary. But Wednesday she didn't show up, and she's been missing since. Everyone's talking about it, but... I haven't heard a real explanation. And you're the first one to come asking about her."
I unfolded the piece of paper she'd handed me. On it was written an address in the outskirts of the city.
"Please don't tell anyone about this. I could be fired for giving out personal information about the staff."
"It's all right. Who would I tell?"
She smiled just a little, then stood and edged shyly away from my bench.
"I hope you find her."
[[The next day, after I finished my last tutoring appointment, I took the train out to the outskirts of the city.]] ]It was quiet out here, the kind of neighborhood you'd only live in for the cheap rent. Narrow prefab houses and cheap apartment blocks, a giant supermarket, an office building with a driving range on the roof.
I grew up in a neighborhood kind of like this.
According to my cellphone map, Ms. Ishii's address was near the station, across from a FamilyMart. There was a small apartment building there: just a plain building, laundry hanging out to dry on the balconies.
Up the stairwell and down the hall. Apartment 46, according to the address. Its door looked like all the others.
I hadn't really considered what I would say if she *did* answer the door.
"Hello! I'm the homeless man who lives in the park near your office! Just checking in to make sure you're okay! Have a nice day!"
No, that could use some work.
(link:"Knock.")[I knocked. No answer.
I waited five minutes and knocked again, but there was still no answer. Well, it made sense that she wasn't home. The school had probably already called her, and maybe even sent someone to her home address by now.
I checked under the mat and around the doorframe in case there was a key hidden, but no such luck. It seemed like a waste to have spent 40 minutes on the train just to turn away now, so...
I had to remind myself that this wasn't my neighborhood, that no one would recognize me or be able to guess that I lived on a park bench. In fact, I can look pretty respectable when I try. I wear a button-down shirt.
So I knocked on the door of apartment 45 next door.
The door opened to reveal a little woman in her 60s, with a flowered apron and a wary expression.
"Excuse me. Does Ms. Nobuko Ishii live here?"
The neighbor lady screwed up her face into a little frown.
"Who's asking?"
(if: $newGamePlus)[I could just say I was from Ms. Ishii's work, and the neighbor would probably believe me. But if I pretended to be a boyfriend, maybe I could get more information out of her.
][["I'm from Edogawa Municipal High School."]]
[["I'm her boyfriend."]]]I had already searched her apartment and found the only thing that looked like a lead. So I didn't have much of an excuse to hang around any longer.
But I couldn't help but notice that there was a roof overhead and four walls around me. I mean, there was an empty apartment here: safe, private, with a kitchen and a bed. No one was using it. It wouldn't hurt anyone if I spent the night here.
I don't want to complain, but I haven't slept on a bed in more than half a year. I wanted to sleep on a mattress more than anything. I can't even tell you how much.
But that would be wildly inappropriate. I don't actually know Ms. Ishii; I have no legal or moral right to be here. (And if she did come back to her apartment and find me here, I would probably go to jail.)
(if: $newGamePlus)[On the other hand, spending the night in Ms. Ishii's apartment could be a chance to investigate more thoroughly, maybe even find more leads.
][[Stay in Ms. Ishii's apartment for the night]]
[[That is insane. That is what an insane person would do. Go back home to the park.]](link:"3/20")[*3/20
Aki wants to set me up with a coworker of hers, but I don’t know if I can do it.
I don’t want to do a blind date.
Whenever I go on a blind date I always feel like I’m going to wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney. No thanks.
Plus the way things are with me right now, there’s no point even trying to date.
No matter how many sit-ups I do, I can’t even get a two-pack.
It’s like a bowl of pudding down there.
I guess I haven’t been on a date in three years.
That’s getting to be a really long time.
Maybe I should just give up already.*]
(link:"5/11")[*5/11
I can’t take it today, it’s worse than ever—
32 tests left to grade before tomorrow, and Mr. Harada scolded me for coming to school late when it was still ten minutes before the first bell, and I can’t sleep at night.
Tips for relaxation:
inhale through nose for a count of 3, exhale through mouth for 4
count to ten out loud
take a bath
listen to guided meditation recording*]
(link:"5/29")[*5/29
I have 6 voicemails from my mom
And more than 800 unanswered emails
And I’m two weeks late with the expense report Mr. Harada asked for
There’s literally no way I can ever catch up with everything, so
Am I contributing anything to the world to make up for the problems I’m causing everyone around me?*]
I had to stop reading after a while. It's hard for me to handle stuff like that, the emotional stuff.
The details were a little different (I was nowhere near as worried about my abs as Ms. Ishii apparently was), but in essence her diary reminded me of my old life. I guess you could say I had a mental breakdown. I'm doing better now that I've left all that behind me.
Yeah, I was even more worried about her after reading her diary. She was having a hard time coping, and then she disappeared without a trace like this...
[[I have to find her before it's too late.|saturdaymorning]]Back in my old life, I was a real coffee connoisseur. I didn't just like coffee and coffee shops; I was something of an expert on good coffee and the best, most obscure places to drink it. I was a regular at the one cafe near my old campus that made siphon coffee, and back then I didn't think anything about paying 800 yen or more for a good cup.
I remember the coolest place I found, a cafe owned by a certain movie star. It was on the sixth floor of a building in Ginza, no sign or anything on the outside, so you had to be in the know. Quiet, exclusive, the perfect atmosphere to savor a cup of their bitter house blend.
But all that was a lifetime ago. These days, I sometimes splurge on a can from a vending machine for 100 yen.
Anyway, this cafe was beautiful. Raw concrete, sunshine, local art on the walls, a bookshelf full of novels and literary magazines and no comic books at all. If I were Ms. Ishii, this is where I would spend my days off.
The bell on the door jingled when I went inside. I ordered a blend coffee, the cheapest on the menu, and found a seat in the corner where I could watch the rest of the room.
I inhaled the steam from my coffee. God, it smelled so good.
Inside the cafe, there was: me. The barista, a hip-looking guy in his 30s with a ponytail. A pair of housewives and their pair of toddlers. Two men in suits with a folder full of spreadsheets on the table between them. And a youngish woman sitting by herself, frowning and checking her cell phone.
That's when it hit me! *coffee with aki, 6/6*
The odds weren't great, but it was possible the woman waiting alone was the Aki whom Ms. Ishii had planned to meet. It was in her neighborhood, after all.
It would be a little creepy to approach a total stranger in a cafe, but I suppose I've done creepier things.
(if: $newGamePlus)[If I want to find Ms. Ishii, this is what I have to do.
][[Approach the woman]]
[[Leave her alone]]
Actually, I'd never even been inside the lobby of a love hotel before. Never had the occasion, I guess. The lobby was narrow and dark, dominated by the screen showing off the room options.
<img src="https://i.imgur.com/Jt6LpKT.jpg" width="412" height="550" alt="Hotel">
Hotel X+O had five stories of rooms, most already occupied. The screen glowed with photos of giant beds, lurid pink walls, whirlpool tubs. If Ms. Ishii really was here—or if she had been here two weeks ago—how would I know where to look?
[[Ask receptionist for help]]
[[Rent a room]]Her shoulders sagged and she stared down at the floor. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or frightened to know the truth.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
She shook her head.
"Is it okay if I talk, then?"
She nodded.
"Okay. Here's what I think happened. You can tell me if I'm right.
"Things had been getting to be too much for you for a while. You needed to get away from everything, so you disappeared. But you *wanted* to be found. So you left clues on purpose, didn't you? You set everything up so that it would look like you were a victim of a crime.
"You left the business card for the bar in your apartment so someone would look for you there. You even went on a real date, or maybe just talked to a random man, to make sure that if anyone noticed you at the bar, the story would fit. You broke your own necklace and left it in the alley as a clue. And then you took a room in the hotel and waited for someone to find you."
It was only then that I realized what it was all about, why she had scattered so many breadcrumbs for me to follow.
This had been a test for the people in her life. *Who will notice that I'm gone? Who will care enough to come looking for me?*
And out of all her family and friends, I was the only one who had bothered to pass it...
Silence stretched awkwardly between us. I waited to see what she'd say.
"You're not wrong... why did you come looking for me?"
"I wanted to apologize to you, for being rude that time. And then I started worrying for you."
What I was about to say was something I'd never spoken about before.
"I disappeared too, you know. Or I guess I'm still disappeared."
"Who were you before?"
"I was a student at K--- University. I couldn't handle it. And I couldn't tell my parents that I'd failed. So I just left."
I'd spent my whole life preparing for the K--- University entrance exam, and my parents were so proud when I made it. When I couldn't take the pressure anymore, I took the easy way out and jettisoned my whole life.
"You left K--- University to live in the park?"
"In some ways I'm happier like this. Things are simpler."
"I guess I can understand that. I wonder if I've lost my job because of this..."
"Are you going to go back to your old life after this?"
"Yeah. Or I'll try. I guess I just needed a break."
"You did this once before, didn't you?"
"What—how do you know that?"
"I met with Aki at the coffee shop, and she told me."
"Wow, you really did try hard to find me..."
"That wasn't part of your plan?"
"No, I didn't think about that. Anyway, that was a long time ago—ten years. My parents found me that time."
"What would you have done if I hadn't found you?"
"I don't know. I didn't expect it to go on this long. Almost two weeks..." She shook her head. "It's my own fault that I don't have anyone in my life. I push people away, so it's not fair for me to expect anyone to come looking for me. I'd just hoped..."
"You're just feeling bad for yourself. People noticed that you were missing. I talked to them: your coworkers, your neighbor, your friend Aki. And me."
"Do you really think no one has noticed you're missing either? Your classmates and your professors must be worried. Your parents must be losing their minds. Even the people who see you in the park are worried about you."
"I probably can't keep doing this forever. You're right about that."
I usually avoided thinking about this sort of thing. We sat together in an uncomfortable silence that slowly mellowed into a warm one. Maybe my life was a trainwreck, but it felt a little better to finally talk to someone about it.
"I forgot to thank you. For finding me, I mean."
"It's no problem."
"What do we do now?"
Ms. Ishii went back to her apartment, and I went back to my park bench. (link-reveal:"Life went on for both of us.")[
As a condition for keeping her job, Ms. Ishii had to go to counseling. She says it's embarrassing but it helps a little, and sometimes she talks to me about the counselor's advice, coping strategies, that sort of thing.
We eat dinner together most nights, sometimes on my bench, sometimes at her place. On rainy nights she insists that I sleep over.
My tutoring business is picking up, and I'm saving up for key money and a deposit on a place of my own. It'll only be a few more months.
I called my parents once, just to let them know that I'm alive and I'm sorry. I'll call again soon.
So I'm changing my life, but it's hard to face the reality of my situation sometimes. It was easier when I didn't have to think about it. Once in a while I feel the urge to disappear again...
But if I ever go missing again, I know that Nobuko will come find me. And I'll always go find her.
People are imperfect. Maybe we're especially imperfect. But we can count on each other, so I can't help but feel like everything's going to be okay.
**Ending 3: True** ]=><=
{ (set: $newGamePlus to false) }(css: "font-size: 175%;")[Lost and Found]
(css: "font-size: 75%;")[(link:"Felicity Drake")[(gotoURL:"http://www.felicitydrake.com")]]
[[<img src="https://imgur.com/9VPMRGC.jpg" width="400" height="300" alt="Cover image">
Start|Lost and Found]]I paid the cover charge and went inside.
It was still early in the evening, at least by this neighborhood's standards, so the bar was deserted. Dark inside, smelling of cigarette smoke, the only sounds quiet jazz and the clinking of bottles as the bartender tidied up.
The cover charge paid for a drink, so I ordered a whiskey. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had alcohol, but if I'd paid for it, I might as well enjoy it.
So I settled at the bar with a whiskey and looked over the empty room. It was a tiny place, classier than I'd expected for a neighborhood this tacky. A dozen or so seats at the bar, and a few dimly lit private tables.
I couldn't imagine what Ms. Ishii had been up to in a place like this.
After a few sips of whiskey, I cleared my throat to get the bartender's attention. He was young—well, probably about my age. Much better-looking than me. Snappy dresser. Probably a requirement for the job.
"Excuse me. Hey—I was wondering if you've seen a friend of mine in here recently."
I showed him the photograph of Ms. Ishii on Coming of Age Day. It was an old photograph, and she was wearing heavy makeup, so I wasn't sure it would do any good. Sure enough, he squinted at it for about two seconds and shook his head.
"We get a lot of customers in here. I can't remember every face, sorry."
"Are you sure? It might have been around two weeks ago, maybe a Tuesday night?"
"Two weeks... I really can't help you."
"Look, she went missing after she visited this bar. I thought I'd ask around before I filed a police report, but if you can't help me..."
"Hey, calm down! Let me look at that photo again."
I was amazed that my bluff seemed to be working. I guess any bar, especially around this neighborhood, didn't like the sound of the word 'police.' Hopefully I wasn't about to get my legs broken or my fingers cut off.
"I think I did see her. Not dressed like this, obviously. Yeah, a couple of weeks ago, I don't remember exactly what day. I think I recognize the face. Pretty girl."
"Did you see what happened to her?"
"Nothing happened to her! She came in, had a drink at the bar alone. Then a man came in and she joined him at one of the tables."
"What did he look like?"
"Sorry, don't remember. Kind of a businessman type, I guess, with a suit, short hair. Thirties or forties." He had just described literally every man in Tokyo. Useless. "But they left separately. Him first, her later."
"Did they argue?"
"Not that I noticed. I only remember the girl because she kept ordering oolong tea. Not a lot of people come to bars alone to drink iced tea, you know?"
I finished my whiskey and headed out. It sounded like the bartender had told me all he knew, and I felt like I'd made some progress towards tracing Ms. Ishii's last known whereabouts.
I had to consider all of this. Here is what I knew:
Approximately two weeks ago, probably Tuesday night, Ms. Ishii left school and came to Bar Peacock. Since she had the business card, that meant she had plans to visit *this bar specifically*, for an unknown reason.
She arrived alone and ordered non-alcoholic drinks. She met a man, they spoke, she left alone.
That could have been a date, but it didn't sound quite right. Or maybe it only sounded off because she'd disappeared afterward, because this was the last spot she'd been seen.
I stood outside the building and looked all around. Ms. Ishii left Bar Peacock, and [[where did she go next?|investigation]]