DO IT!!!! You tilt your head back and chug the beer to the encouragement shouted by your friends. As the last drops of cheap beer fall from the can into your mouth, you shake you head in wonder - this is the 4th beer you've had and you STILL haven't peed... Maybe you should go to the [[bathroom]] and pee now...or you can [[wait]] til you really need to go and have another beer.You tell your friends to order you another beer and you head to the bathroom. Thankfully, there's no line and while the bathroom is basically falling apart and fucking disgusting as hell, at least you have it to yourself and can pee to your heart's content. The floor is wet - from spilled drinks, pee or some other stuff, you have no idea. Stepping gingerly around the puddles, trying to not get your feet too wet, you head to the [[stall]] [[urinal]]No need to head into the no man's land that is the toilet of this divey bar before you REALLY need to, eh? Good thinking! Your friend hands you another beer and you continue the innocuous conversation you were having with your friends. It's not interesting at all and now you're thinking that maybe it would've been better to go to the bathroom just so you could avoid this boring, painful conversation. UGH. Why are these people even your friends? You don't actually like spending time with them but, it *is* something to do... Sigh. You've had enough of this mind-numbing conversation and thankfully, so has your bladder. You really need to pee now. Like pretty bad. [[Go to the bathroom]] [[Hold it in]]After navigating through the minefields of wetness, you get to the stall door. With a little bit of effort, it opens on uneven hinges, making an ominous creaky sounds as it does. HOLY FUCK. It's like someone clogged the toilet and then invited a bunch of people over for a pooping party. The bowl is nearly overflowing with turds. The poo is above the water-line, creating a small shit island in the center of the toilet. This is totally disgusting but, also pretty damn impressive. [[Pee in the toilet]] [[Retreat to the urinal]] [[Go outside and find somewhere to pee]]Urinal is super close, so it is a smart move to go here. Less stepping around/over puddles of urine and thereby less chance of falling in pee or otherwise getting pee on you. You'd really like to avoid that as much as possible. As you get to the urinal, you notice that the size of pee puddles near the urinal is massive. They're more like lakes here. You can see a small bug swimming in one of these lakes, it is desperately trying to reach this cigarette butt - the only dry land around - before it drowns in pee. "What a terrible way to go" you think to yourself as you unzip your pants and let loose a powerful stream of urine into the bone-dry urinal. You close your eyes and sigh with relief as you pee. Then it hits you...the sounds. The sounds of your pee...they aren't right. It sounds like 2 streams of pee - stereo pee. The lakes of pee. The bone dry urinal. Your eyes snap open in understanding. You look at the urinal and see that there is no pipe connecting the urinal to the wall. Your pee is going into the urinal, then streaming out of a pipe-hole right onto your shoes. FUCK. You try to stop peeing but, it's too late. You back away from the urinal and are now peeing all over the bathroom floor, making new puddles. The stream slows to a trickle and you pull your pants up. Your shoes are soaked. you can feel your socks getting a little damp. As you head back into the bar, you notice a lone cigarette butt floating in the lake of urine by the urinal. There's a small bug on it. END Fuck it. You're doing this. You've come this far, navigating through the pee-water and actually touching the stall door - god knows how many diseases you've just picked up - you're not leaving here without emptying your bladder. Carefully, you position yourself over the poo-pile and take as good aim as you can before releasing a hefty and powerful stream of pee. "It's coming out like a fucking firehose!" You think, mildly impressed with yourself. The force of your pee is drilling holes in poo-island, kicking up small pieces of it into the air. You do your best to adjust aim so there's less shit hail, but to no avail. [[Run away]] [[Finish peeing]]Stall is waaaaaaay too gross and the urinal is super close, so it is a smart move to go here instead. As you get to the urinal, you notice that the size of pee puddles near the urinal is massive. They're more like lakes here. You can see a small bug swimming in one of these lakes, it is desperately trying to reach this cigarette butt - the only dry land around - before it drowns in pee. "What a terrible way to go" you think to yourself as you unzip your pants and let loose a powerful stream of urine into the bone-dry urinal. You close your eyes and sigh with relief as you pee. Then it hits you...the sounds. The sounds of your pee...they aren't right. It sounds like 2 streams of pee - stereo pee. The lakes of pee. The bone dry urinal. Your eyes snap open in understanding. You look at the urinal and see that there is no pipe connecting the urinal to the wall. Your pee is going into the urinal, then streaming out of a pipe-hole right onto your shoes. FUCK. You try to stop peeing but, it's too late. You back away from the urinal and are now peeing all over the bathroom floor, making new puddles. The stream slows to a trickle and you pull your pants up. Your shoes are soaked. you can feel your socks getting a little damp. As you head back into the bar, you notice a lone cigarette butt floating in the lake of urine by the urinal. There's a small bug on it. END Fuck this shit right in the dick. No fucking way you're going to find a way to balance yourself amongst the filth to pee on a giant pile of rancid shit. You don't need a fancy indoor bathroom with stalls and urinals when the world is your bathroom. You can pee wherever you damn well please. You step outside into the cold night. It's fairly late and you're not in the best neighborhood, so the streets are pretty empty. Looking around, there's no obvious place to pee within eyeshot of the bar so, you decide to walk around the corner in hopes of finding a dumpster or bush or some obstruction to pee behind. Or on. Rounding the corner you see a perfect pee spot! It's a boarded up doorway with a dumpster right next to it. You see wetness on the ground near it, as if it's already been used tonight as a toilet. Perfect. This is like a sign from god that you should pee here. You get to the pee spot and spread your legs to avoid stepping in the old piss. It doesn't smell great here but, fuck it - you won't be here long. You look around one last time to make sure no one is approaching, unzip your pants and let loose with the pee. Your stream is strong and voluminous like a fire hose. You're kinda impressed with yourself. WOW. It's still going. You must've been here at least a minute already and you're still peeing. SO MUCH PEE. This is amazing. Just as the stream is slowing down, a small group of people comes around the corner. They were probably just in the bar you came from. You quickly finish up and pull up your pants. GAH! You forgot to shake. You feel a single drop of pee run down your leg just as the group approaches you and makes a comment about "disgusting hipsters". They don't notice the river of pee making its way from the pee spot to the sidewalk and end up stepping in it. You laugh and head back towards the bar, even forgetting about that shameful drop of pee that touched your leg. END Oh, hell no. Shit-hail? I'm not going to chance my pee knocking some shit free and having it touch me. FUCK. NO. These are your thoughts as you try to stop peeing and retreat from the toilet. Unluckily, you're peeing waaaaaaaaaaay too hard to just stop. As you step away from the toilet and out of the range of shit-hail, your pee slows to a weak stream but, it most certainly doesn't stop. The dribble of pee is now running down your leg and soaking your pants. WHY WON'T IT STOP?!?!!!! You do your best to adjust the dribble but, to no avail. It's still coming, albeit slower every second, and your pants are now officially wet. As you pull up your soaked pants and head back into the bar, you think "At least it's pretty dark here. No one will notice." ENDLike Omar Epps, you're in too deep. There's no way to stop peeing once it's going this hard. You'll just end up peeing all over yourself. This was totally the right decision. A disgusting decision, yes but, it had to be done... At least this is what you're telling yourself...and you might just be ri-- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! Something wet just touched your leg. W T F Ah, fuck. Looks like your pee force was stronger than you imagined and those poo-hails lighter than you imagined. Hesitantly, you look at your leg. There's a little piece of poo-island on it. :( You gag. A little puke makes a guest appearance in your mouth. You swallow it back down. You grab a paper towel and brush the poop particle off of your leg. Sadly, the faucet doesn't work so, no water. You pull your pants up over your shit-leg and head back into the bar. But hey...look at the bright side, you don't have to pee any more. THE END. You head towards the bathroom, which, up until a few minutes ago, looked completely unoccupied. Times have changed. There's a huge fucking line of people waiting to use it now...and you're all the way at the end of that line. Thankfully, one of your friends is right in front of you so, maybe you can skip one person but, will that be enough? [[Hold it in]] [[Go outside]]The line to the bathroom looks excessively long. You're tough. You can hold it in. You know damn well that if you hold it in for a little longer the urge to pee will pass and you'll be good. Sure you could go outside but, that means trying to find a good place to pee and then there are people you need to avoid. Eff that. You can hold it in. It's not even that bad. Sure, you're doing the pee-pee dance a little but, that will subside soon enough. You can hold it in. Your friends notice you doing the dance and comment on how you've had 5 beers and it's amazing you haven't been to the bathroom yet. You can't hold it in. The pee happens. There is no stopping it, no surrender, no place to hide. Here. In the middle of the bar, surrounded by your friends, you're peeing uncontrollably all over yourself. Good work. ENDFuck waiting in line. You need to pee. NOW. You don't need a fancy indoor bathroom with stalls and urinals when the world is your bathroom. You can pee wherever you damn well please. You step outside into the cold night. It's fairly late and you're not in the best neighborhood, so the streets are pretty empty. Looking around, there's no obvious place to pee within eyeshot of the bar so, you decide to walk around the corner in hopes of finding a dumpster or bush or some obstruction to pee behind. Or on. Rounding the corner you see a perfect pee spot! It's a boarded up doorway with a dumpster right next to it. You see wetness on the ground near it, as if it's already been used tonight as a toilet. Perfect. This is like a sign from god that you should pee here. You get to the pee spot and spread your legs to avoid stepping in the old piss. It doesn't smell great here but, fuck it - you won't be here long. You look around one last time to make sure no one is approaching, unzip your pants and let loose with the pee. Your stream is strong and voluminous like a fire hose. You're kinda impressed with yourself. WOW. It's still going. You must've been here at least a minute already and you're still peeing. SO MUCH PEE. This is amazing. Just as the stream is slowing down, a small group of people comes around the corner. They were probably just in the bar you came from. You quickly finish up and pull up your pants. GAH! You forgot to shake. You feel a single drop of pee run down your leg just as the group approaches you and makes a comment about "disgusting hipsters". They don't notice the river of pee making its way from the pee spot to the sidewalk and end up stepping in it. You laugh and head back towards the bar, even forgetting about that shameful drop of pee that touched your leg. END