She has to wait, she knows, for the shadows to recede. She can see them at the very corners of the room, fuzzy and slight; trying to hide.\n“I know you’re there,” she whispers. “Today I am going to leave. Today you can’t make me [[see you|The Shadows]].”\n

They click together as she lifts them from the box.\nThe sound is satisfying and she shakes them in her hand like [[dice|Playing With The Family]], listening to the clicking.\nShe remembers she gathered them from the [[beach|The Holiday]] and scrubbed them clean so that she could see the different colours. They are blue and white and orange.\nBut the insides glisten with a sickly pink sheen that makes her flip them over. She doesn't like the [[insides.|Contents 2]]

Why on earth had she kept them? She holds up the ripped stubs with their yellow edges and squints at the faint text. What film was that? \n[[Had she really gone to see it?|In the Cinema]] She couldn’t remember it at all.

After a while [[she gets up|Finding the Box]]. She puts the box back in its place in the cupboard, unopened, and leaves the room.\n\nIt's dinner time.

Stick figures. \nAll in a row. \nBut the last one [[didn’t fit.|On The Floor]]\n

He was always trying to make her see him. She had done her best to ignore him but he was always there, hiding in the shadows.\nSometimes she would see him moving out of the corner of her eye, long limbs unfolding from the darkness with the faintest of rustling sounds.\nNo-one else heard them.\nOnly her.\nSometimes he [[whispered|Whispering]] to her when she was alone, when the lights were out and she lay in bed with the covers pulled up, trying not to see the shadows moving in the corner of the room.\nHe came to her when she was [[little|Him]]. \n

She had enjoyed hiding in the darkness until she felt it begin to creep in on her and [[claw at her sides|The Shadows]].

She stands in the room and looks around.\nThe curtains are wide open and sunlight streams in. Even through the dusty window the light is bright and peace descends on the house. There is a faint twittering of birds from outside. She feels calm and breathes more deeply than usual.\nToday she will leave.\n\nBut the [[box|Box]] is sitting on her bed, not where she left it.

She couldn't believe it when she saw it and had to laugh out loud at the sheer vastness of it.\n\nThen she ran to the edge of the sand and back again, slipping on the shifting ground, dodging the waves and laughing.\n\nThere was so much to see and collect. She heard one of them saying how boring it was, there was no-one else there, and it was too cold for a beach.\nShe didn't care; she'd found shells.\n\nThey only went once. Often she would look into the shadows and think of the beach. When he [[whispered|Whispering]], she would remember the sound of the waves rushing in her ears and the gentle clicking of the [[shells|Shells]] as she collected them in her hands.

Curiosity got the better of her.\n\nBut he was shifting, hardly more than a shadow.\n\nEmpty.\n\n[[Like the box.|On The Floor]]

It came from a [[charity shop|Shopping]]. The dark wood menaced her and she didn't want to open it. But she was drawn to it. \nThere must always be somewhere to hide.\nThe shadows were chased away when she finally pulled open the lid.\nInside it was empty.\nBut she doesn't like the insides when they are empty.\n\nShe took it. Maybe one day she would have [[something to put in it.|In The Box]]

Her parents wanted her to leave the house as often as possible. She was convinced they didn't want her there. They didn't understand about the shadows in the corners. They didn't understand that she always needed somewhere to hide.\n\nMother took her to the shops. \nWhy?\nShe didn't get it until she came across the box, sitting in the corner of a crowded shelf, lurking in the shadows. \nHer mother was pleased that she had [[found something|Imagine]].

She imagines what she will find if she [[opens the box.|In The Box]]\n\nShe sits on the floor. \n(it's not shiny today, they must be waiting for her to leave)\nShe looks at the box. Her arms are wrapped around her knees; she has goose pimples though it is warm outside. \n[[It's always cool in here though.|In The Room]]

Today I Will Leave

She became aware of something moving out of the corner of her eye but when she turned to look, there was nothing there.\n\nShe didn't believe in him until he whispered to her.\n\nThe sound came from the corner of the room and she peered into the shadows, clutching her blanket and wishing he would [[go away.|Go Away]]\n\n

It is small, made of wood, [[dark|Charity Shop]].\nShe stares at it and her fingers twitch. \nHer breathing is shallow again. \nShe knows what is inside. \nShe wants to look but she is [[afraid|Imagine]].\n

When she wakes she knows that today is the day she will leave. The woman in white smiles when she says she will dress herself.\n“I’m going to leave today,” she chirps and she feels like the birds outside.\nThe woman only smiles and lets her dress.\nShe pulls the box from the cupboard and weighs it in her hand. \nShe places it on the bed and leaves the room. \n\nShe must say goodbye to everyone.\n\n[[Today she is leaving.|Start]]\n

Stick figures. \nAll in a row. \nBut the last one didn’t fit and she had scribbled over it furiously. Every time she tried to draw it, it never matched the others and she had to keep scoring it out until there was no clean paper left.\nThen she had to draw over the other figures to make room for it. But that just made a mess of them as well and eventually they were all scribbled over. \nThe [[black mass|Contents]] of tangled lines was all that was left of her stick figures.

They are crisscrossed and scratched with scribbles.\nShe had pushed the pencil down hard, like she had wanted to cut through the flesh of the paper and watch it bleed pulp. \nThe ridged lines are scars and she runs her fingers over them, feeling the bumps and ridges.\n[[What had she been drawing?|Stick Figures]]

They would wait patiently for her to throw until one of them would become restless and want to get on with the game.\n\n"Why won't she throw?"\n"Ssshhh give her time."\n\nShe wouldn't hear; the only sound was the [[clicking|Shells]] the dice made in her hand. That was the best game of all.

The wood is smooth and cool; goose pimples run up and down her bare arms. She feels a tremor as she pushes the lid back and the shadows inside scurry out of the light. \nShe peers to see what is inside.\n[[What are these scraps of paper?|Scraps of Paper]]

On the floor, she rocks back and forth. \nShe couldn’t open the box, she couldn’t face the emptiness today. \n\nWhy were they always doing this to her?\n\n[[Why wouldn't they let her leave?|Hiding the Box]]\n\n\n

It's not a pretty picture.\n\nShe doesn't want to remember it.\n\nWhat else is in here?\n\n[[Shells|Shells]]\n\n

He never went away.\n\nHe was always there, watching her.\n\nShe could feel his presence in the corners of every room, no matter how slight the shadows.\n\nHe said he was looking after her, that nothing bad would happen while he was there.\n\nShe learned to trust the shadows.\n\n[[Once she went to him.|Empty]]

"I know you can see me.\n\nWhy are you hiding?\n\nDon't you want to see me?\n\nI'm part of your [[family|Not a Family]]."

Sarah Findlay

Insides always frightened her unless there is something there.\n\nBut there's only one thing left in the box.\n\nShe doesn't want it to be empty but she has to see what it is.\n\nMore bits of paper.\n\n[[Cinema tickets|Cinema Tickets]]