Your boss tells you the bad news.\n\nYou've been fired from the company.\n\n//But//... there is one nice thing about the call. Your boss gives you the number to the competitor across the street. He said he hated that guy's guts, so he gave you a fake story and recommendation to apply over there. You feel insulted and defeated, but at least you can still clean bat shit in peace. \n\nMaybe one day you can start a blog about this.\n\n[[Take the offer.|Start]]\n\n<<fsyoutube G20BJZMNU4I>>
<<fsyoutube_jump WYPCNW3s_jM 20>>\n\n//What? How could you forget about your [[towels]], [[spray]], or [[mop]]?//\n\nYou think to yourself, <<cyclinglink "'This job is going great.'" "'Why did I have to pay for this shit?'" "'I wonder how long I'm gonna last here...'" end>>\n\n[[Whatever man.|Yes 2]]
//Welcome to your first shift as the night janitor here. You will be on duty along with a couple of other old timers here. They won't really speak much so don't expect to see them around either.\n\nLuckily, we have a lot of work for you tonight!//\n\n[[Follow the boss.|Night Time]]\n
Use this to soak up the juicy fluids you might find around here.\n\n[[Back|No]]\n\n<<fsyoutube QwRISkyV_B8>>
//Do you remember how to use all of your tools and supplies?//\n<<set $KeepJob to 1>>\n\n[[Yes]]\n\n[[No][$KeepJob -= 1]]\n\n\n
Unfortunately, your business (?) has gone to inevitably fail due to your non-comformative cultural tastes and poor market reception. You're savings depleted rapidly due to your taste in <<cyclinglink "juice cleanses" "EDM raves" "organic gluten-free soy-based fusion cuisines that everyone always loves better than the smelly original">>. It is truly a depressing spectable to see you now. \n\nFantastic news though! Your recent application to a janitorial position closeby has been accepted and you are starting tonight! Congratulations and good luck!\n\n[[Get real.|Start]]\n[[$KeepJob = 0]]\n\n<<fsyoutube G20BJZMNU4I>>
You ignore the piss painting and move on. You can almost feel the stares of the other cleaning members cutting into your back...\n\nYou brush the sweat off your brow only to jump at the sight of a glowing green streak of grease coating your arm. //Drip... Drip... Drip.// A drop falls on your shoe and then once more on your face. Looking up, you see a growth of slimy stalactites hanging from the ceiling. A couple of wet bats pulsing green themselves hang from above.\n\n<<cyclinglink "'Should I poke it to try to knock them down?'" "'How long have these been here?'" "'Why am I the only guy without a hazmat suit?'" end>>\n\nWhat should you do?\n\n[[Poke it down and clean up the pieces.|Mess 4][$KeepJob -= 1]]\n\n[[Ignore it like the rest of the team probably does.|Mess 4a]]
You move along from the foul smelling sludge only to find a wall coated in what you hope is only rat piss. Upon closer inspection, you manage to find some nuts and bolts stuck in the piss-glue... with a couple of Cheerios? Knowing better from your last attempt, you don't poke this bio-crust and get to work on it with your spray gun. <<cyclinglink "*SQUIRT*" "Nothing appears to have changed. *SQUIRT*" "Still nothing.*SQUIRT*" "Nope, no progress. None. Nada. Zilch." end>>\n\n\nDiscouraged you\n\n[[Abandon this mess and pray for the next guy.|Mess3][$KeepJob -=1]]\n\n[[Keep tackling the mess.|Mess 3a][$KeepJob += 1]]
In the corner was a big fist sized muffin resting on top of a lone cup. From further away, it looked like it was chocolate chip or banana walnut, but you were so wrong. You pick it up wondering how the fuck a muffin got onto this nasty factory space, only to realize that it was the biggest mound of shit you've ever seen (and <<cyclinglink "held" "smelled" "tasted" end>>) in your life. During your short moment holding the <<cyclinglink "man" "elephant" "radioactive bat">>-made shit, you see the stream of mulchy, viscous fluids run down your sleeve and drip into your boots.\n\nInstinctively you\n\n[[Drop it like it's hot... into the trashcan|Done][$KeepJob -= 1]]\n\n[[Put it back where it belongs. Don't look into someone else's shit.|Done][$KeepJob += 1]]
Mess of a Life
Success! After using up half of your bottle, you managed to learn that the walls were originally painted in a creamy tan. Some of the other workers look up from the black goo and share in a silent nod of approval.\n\nYou brush the sweat off your brow only to jump at the sight of a glowing green streak of grease coating your arm. //Drip... Drip... Drip.// A drop falls on your shoe and then once more on your face. Looking up, you see a growth of slimy stalactites hanging from the ceiling. A couple of wet bats pulsing green themselves hang from above.\n\n<<cyclinglink "'Should I poke it to try to knock them down?'" "'How long have these been here?'" "'Why am I the only guy without a hazmat suit?'" end>>\n\nWhat should you do?\n\n[[Poke it down and clean up the pieces.|Mess 4][$KeepJob -= 1]]\n\n[[Ignore it like the rest of the team probably does.|Mess 4a]]
Oh, wow! The mess in front of you is a pile of rotting junk coated in a chunky black goo. Flies buzz around it. \nYou prod it with your mop handle <<cyclinglink "one time and a rat scurries out." "two times and the goo bubbles for a second." "three times and it bursts all over your uniform." end>>\n\n[[Leave it for the next guy|Mess2][$KeepJob += 1]]\n\n[[Try to use the mop to clean it.|Mess2a][$KeepJob -= 1]]\n\n\n\n<<fsyoutube_jump 3bJt8pQoBxM 92>>
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You fail terribly and make it harder for the next guy to fix your mistakes. No doubt that the boss will hear about this.\n\nYou move along from the foul smelling sludge only to find a wall coated in what you hope is only rat piss. Upon closer inspection, you manage to find some nuts and bolts stuck in the piss-glue... with a couple of Cheerios? Knowing better from your last attempt, you don't poke this bio-crust and get to work on it with your spray gun. <<cyclinglink "*SQUIRT*" "Nothing appears to have changed. *SQUIRT*" "Still nothing.*SQUIRT*" "Nope, no progress. None. Nada. Zilch." end>>\n\n\nDiscouraged you\n\n[[Abandon this mess and pray for the next guy.|Mess3][$KeepJob -=1]]\n\n[[Keep tackling the mess.|Mess 3a][$KeepJob += 1]]
The rest of the night seems to go decently well. No real problems besides a few burns and a couple other cleaners reported missing at close again.\n\n<<if $KeepJob < 1 and $KeepJob >= -4>>You go home, tired and defeated after a miserable night at work. This job sucks, but what else can you do? Your memory feels a little hazy too, but your exhaustion forces you to retire to bed for your next shift tomorrow. Sucks to be you.\n\n[[ZzZzZz|Cry, pick up your tools, and pull yourself to the open floorspace.]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $KeepJob < -4>> You don't understand why you aren't getting any better at this. Just shameful. How many nights has it been? You can't remember exactly. <<cyclinglink "One?" "Four?" "Twelve?">> \n\nThis job is tiring, disgusting work and you suck monkey dick at it. It's a miracle you haven't been fired yet. \n\nJust then, the phone rings!\n\n[[Pick up the phone]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $KeepJob > 2 and if $KeepJob < 12>>You go home, having completed a decent day of decent work for decent pay. You smile to yourself as you upload pictures of the muffin to your Instagraham foodie blog. You think to yourself that this job isn't too bad to keep doing - at least until your bat sight-seeing vlog really blows up. Something about tonight feels a little off though, like forgetting random chapters in a story.\n\nYou're feeling pretty pooped though so you head off to bed.\n\n[[ZzZzZz|Cry, pick up your tools, and pull yourself to the open floorspace.]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $KeepJob > 11>>You did it!!! You have toiled and toiled in that nasty factory for <<cyclinglink "thirty days" "a week or two" "five months" "your whole life">> and now you finally saved enough money to focus on your Instagraham blog and bat-seeing vlog tours! You hand in your two weeks notice, burn your tools and uniform, and exit the factory, never to come back again.\n\n[[Retire from the blue collar life]]<<endif>>\n\n<<fsyoutube 2O0qRoFwsd0>>\n
Use this to wipe at those dirty, moist floors.\n\n[[Back|No]]\n\n<<fsyoutube_jump 3eF0whKP6EY 10>>
Use this for those nasty dried stains.\n\n[[Back|No]]\n\n<<fsyoutube_jump KBgXP9-1Z6U 81>>
\nYour resume said that you knew how to clean all this shit. I hope you weren't lying about anything else now.\n\nYou better not be some kind of lazy asshole.\n\n<<fsyoutube 0yeMNIJxIfs>>\n\n[[Let's get going]]\n\n\n
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SUCCESS! You have escaped from your literally shit-job.\n\nAnd wow has your Instagraham blog and bat-seeing vlog taken off - you're making a livable income actually!!!\n\nYou continue to spend your days living through various <<cyclinglink "juice cleanses" "EDM raves" "organic gluten-free soy-based fusion cuisines that everyone always loves better than the smelly original">> and live in the lap of middle-class luxury.\n\n[[Go and LIVE!]]\n\n<<fsyoutube C9MCe0O1IRI>>
Horrible. The stalactites crash down and shatter into <<cyclinglink "two shards" "three shards" "four shards and an explosion of slime" end>>. The other members look towards you again; you notice their solemn stares of disapproval as they stand drenched and maybe starting to show early symptons of radiation poisoning. A quick glance at your watch tells you that you'll only have time for one more problem.\n\n<<if $KeepJob > 1>>You still somehow feel energetic. Like you can do <<cyclinglink "100 push-ups" "maybe 50 push-ups" "probably 20 push-ups" "possibly 4 push-ups" end>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $KeepJob < 2>>You aren't feeling so good yourself anymore. You are starting to ache all over. Maybe this job isn't cut out for you after all.<<endif>>\n\n[[Turn around and look at the corner|MessLast]]
Knowing that cleaning anything glowing inside of a factory isn't worth a $15/hr wage without benefits, you let it be. Besides, the bats would be homeless if you followed through with knocking the waste down. \n\n<<if $KeepJob > 1>>You still somehow feel energetic. Like you can do <<cyclinglink "100 push-ups" "maybe 50 push-ups" "probably 20 push-ups" "possibly 4 push-ups" end>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $KeepJob < 2>>You feel tired still. Maybe this job isn't cut out for you.<<endif>>\n\n[[You turn around and look at the corner|MessLast]]
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//So here is our main facility. Our staff clears the floorspace at night to help make your life a little easier. But all the shit on the floor wants to stay there really bad. You're gonna need to work hard to make this place spotless before the morning shift. Oh man, thank god you're here doing this for us. If it wasn't for you right now, we'd have to have hired another random guy!\n\nWell, looks like I can get out of this place now. Good luck!//\n\n[[Put on my nasty, sweaty cleaning suit and rubber gloves.]]\n\n\n\n<<fsyoutube hRtLnW2TH4s>>
Joe Jung\n\nTwitter, Instagram\n@joekingalot
\n\n//Great! It sure would have been stupid to explain to you how to use a mop, spray, or towels.//\n\n[[Let's get going]]\n\n
<<fsyoutube_jump aq45N-4ozE4 276>>\n\nThis job will probably be crusty as hell but where else can you find a part-time job that pays $15 an hour right?\n\nTake a deep breath and close your eyes for <<cyclinglink "five seconds" "four seconds" "three seconds" "two seconds" "one second" end>>.\n\nMight as well get started.\n\n[[Cry, pick up your tools, and pull yourself to the open floorspace.]]