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You leave your house behind.\n\nIt's time for a [[walk|climb]].\n\n<<set $ft = 0>>\n<<set $r = 0>>\n\n<<set $skito = 0>>\n<<set $piss = 0>>
Hallowed
a walk by @mrtavo
<<set $ft += 1>><<if $ft lt 208>><<set $r = Math.round(Math.random() * 6)>><<if $r eq 0>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/mqhk30mz7dlkip3/5.JPG]]<<endif>><<if $r eq 1>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/mhw1gho8m10m69l/1.JPG]]<<endif>><<if $r eq 2>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/ln8vuepq0bb0wxr/6.JPG]]<<endif>><<if $r eq 3>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/naw45ia86s618js/7.JPG]]<<endif>><<if $r eq 4>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/jtgnp7y6s74w88z/8.JPG]]<<endif>><<if $r eq 5>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/ac2o7smtnfd4fy7/9.JPG]]<<endif>><<if $r eq 6>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/wo97wsagrertd5o/10.JPG]]<<endif>>\n<<insertion hoverft>><<endinsertion>>\n<<hoverrevise hoverft>>[[walk|climb]]<<endhoverrevise>><<else>>[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/wo97wsagrertd5o/10.JPG]]\n\n[[Walk|climb]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $ft eq 1>>It is a warm day. You step onto the sidewalk, and head down the street to the corner, and stop at the crosswalk.\n\n<<replace "Wait to cross.">>A car passes, and there are no more in sight. It should be safe to cross.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 2>>You cross the street without incident, like a hundred times before.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 3>>You walk along, sidewalk beneath your sneakers.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 4>>The sky is bright blue. \n\nThere are no clouds.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 5>>Walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 6>>Walk. Walk. Walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 7>>You pass a lilac bush growing in somebody's yard. The sweet aroma pleases you.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 8>>You wonder how many times you've actually done this loop. Half mile to the park to see the Giant, half mile back. \n\nCertainly, many times over these recent years.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 9>>You always forget something on this walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 10>>Usually you forget water.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 11>>Or your music.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 12>>Both of which you've forgotten this time. \n\nBut it feels like you've forgotten something else too, this time. What could it be?\n\n<<cyclinglink $spend "house keys" "phone" "to tell them where you're going" "your notebook" "something important you were supposed to do">><<endif>><<if $ft eq 13>>You give up trying to remember.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 14>>It helps you forget.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 15>>Which helps you relax.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 16>>And you walk on.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 17>>You hear your sneakers make soft shuffling sounds from time to time, and gritty pebbles occsionally complain with a soft crackle when you step on them.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 18>>It's like the sound of tiny popcorn.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 19>>You can hear cars in the distance behind you. \n\nOff to one side, you can hear kids playing and laughing.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 20>>Suddenly, a big, mean dog startles you badly! It runs at you from under a shaded tree in its yard, barking loudly and snarling viciously.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 21>>It hits the end of it's tether, yelps, and then strains against it, growling and defiant.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 22>>Thank sweet Jesus that beast was tethered! It scared the crap out of you. \n\nThat's never happened here before.\n\nMust be new renters in there or something.\n\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 23>>You walk on, heart racing from your brush with canine fury.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 24>>You try to focus on your breathing, to slow your heart.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 25>>You turn a corner, and head toward the park.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 26>>Just breathe, you tell yourself. Nice and slow, <<replace "in through the nose">>and out through the <<replace "mouth">>deeply, from dan t'ian.\n\nLike you learned in tai chi class, all those years ago.<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 27>>Your heart slows as the adrenaline fades.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 28>>Goddamn dog.\n\nSeriously.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 29>>And you walk on.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 30>>Walk, walk, walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 31>>Shuffle, crackle, shuffle, pop. \n\nCars go by, and occasional bicyclists.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 32>>Your phone vibrates.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 33>>You thought you might have left that behind, so that's one less thing to worry about having forgotten, at least. \n\nYou answer. It's home.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 34>>"Hey. Where'd you go?"<<endif>><<if $ft eq 35>><<cyclinglink $phone "For a walk" "I need some time alone" "I was almost killed by an angry dog" "To see the Giant">>\n\nYou slow down while you speak into the phone.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 36>>"<<print $phone>>," you say.\n\n<<replace "The conversation lasts just long enough to remind you that you're never alone.">>You press the end call button on the screen and put the phone on silent.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 37>>You know you'll forget you put the phone on silent just now. You'll miss calls.\n\nBut that's later. Right now, you can walk without it interrupting again.\n\nYou put your phone back in your pocket.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 38>>You resume your regular walking pace.\n\nAnd try to relax your upper body and arms, and keep your sacrum straight.\n\nAnd breathe slowly from dan t'ien.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 39>>Breathe in.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 40>>Breathe out.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 41>>Walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 42>>It occurs to you, as you meet and pass by an older couple walking slowly in the other direction, that he was still alive the first time you walked this loop. <<endif>><<if $ft eq 43>>In fact, before things got really bad, he walked this loop with you a couple of times.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 44>>He liked to feed the ducks at the park.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 45>>But there were those times, when his dementia got so bad that he had to live with you, but no longer knew why, you had to walk around with him all over this neighborhood when he would get upset and flee the house.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 46>>He wandered off once in the middle of the night, and you remember how you had to call the cops to find him.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 47>>Alarms on the doors fixed that problem, but another time he became angry and stormed off, and you had to follow him all over down here, for miles.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 48>>He got weepy and suicidal.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 49>>He would only come home if you agreed to take him to a store to buy something sharp to kill himself with.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 50>>Because you had taken away everything sharp or hot from him as his disease progressed.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 51>>Not knowing what else to do, you led him to a grocery store so he could pick out his suicide implement.\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 52>>He could't find the knife he wanted, <<replace "so he bought a corkscrew">> so he bought a corkscrew, and a pineapple peeler.\n\nHe followed you home without further trouble, and along the way, forgot he wanted to kill himself.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 53>>He ate a waffle at your kitchen table, instead.\n\nAnd you hid the corkscrew and the pineapple peeler with the pocket knives and cigarette lighters and pruning shears and screwdrivers you had taken away from him, over the preceeding months.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 54>>He died about a year later.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 55>>He died in a group home, because you could no longer care for him like he needed. \n\nHe no longer knew you, or that he was your father.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 56>>You notice you've begun walking faster, and are breathing shallower.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 57>><<replace "Let it pass, you think.">>It's a story from your past.\n\nThe past is all it is.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 58>>You see a grey cat sitting on a wooden fence. It looks at you and jumps down behind the fence, disappearing.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 59>>Maybe the look on your face spooked it..<<endif>><<if $ft eq 60>>Or maybe it had something important to do.\n\nCats are inscrutable.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 61>>The park is just ahead, now. The sun warms your neck and shoulders and you're almost sweating. It feels like a blessing.\n\nYou smell food, somebody nearby is grilling. You see a sparrow flitter out of a tree, and into the eves of a nearby house.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 62>>You stop at the corner, ready to cross the street and enter the park.\n\n<<replace "Wait to cross.">>All clear, proceed.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 63>>Your feet are following a paved path through the park. Soon you will be with the <<replace "Giant">>Giant, as soon as you get past the rose garden, and the pool.<<endreplace>>\n\n<<replace "You see a man sitting on the ground, surrounded by garbage bags full of aluminum cans.">>They don't like homeless around this park, he probably can't stay long.\n\nYou nod to him as you pass. He does not return your gesture.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 64>>Apropos of nothing, he begins to pray.\n\nHis voice is like sandpaper.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 65>>"Our Father," he says.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 66>>"Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name."\n\n<<replace "You better quickly walk past him.">>He looked crazy, and that voice sounded like death.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 67>>You're some distance away now, and barely hear him rasp, "amen."\n\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 68>>The rose garden smells like you might imagine heaven to smell. You see some teenagers on rollerblades and just past them, the Giant.\n\nThe 53rd Whispering Giant, Wa-Pai-Shone, to be precise.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 69>>The Whispering Giant is a huge wooden sculpture, carved with hammer, chisel and axes out of single gigantic log. It depicts a massive Native American head.\n\nThe plaque beneath it says it stands as a tribute to the Washoe, Paiute and Shoshone of Nevada. \n\n[img[http://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/efk9manhknprn4j/4.JPG]]\n\n<<cyclinglink $act "It stands 17 feet tall" "It weighs two tons" "It was installed in 1986" "It doesn't whisper""its GPS coordinates are N 39° 31.284 W 119° 50.002">><<endif>><<if $ft eq 70>>It stares down on you with uncomprehending paternalism, the look of one who is bigger than everybody else, and doesn't know or care if that's a problem.\n\n\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 71>>There are 74 of these things scattered all over the world, including at least one in each of the United States.\n\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 72>>You turn around, just past the Giant, when you reach the large blue spruce tree and touch it, as is your habit.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 73>>You turn and head for home. \n\nYour calves are getting tight from walking.<<endif>> <<if $ft eq 74>>This is normal. <<endif>><<if $ft eq 75>>The praying homeless dude with the sandpaper voice is gone.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 76>>That's too bad.\n\nYou might've given him some money.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 77>>Or something.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 78>>"Our Father," he had prayed, "who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name."<<endif>><<if $ft eq 79>>You find some of his garbage bags of cans on the sidewalk.\n\nYou hope he's all right.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 80>>Our Father, who art in heaven, you think.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 81>>You sigh and hope your father is in heaven.\n\nHopefully there is a heaven to be in.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 82>>And you hope God is real, but maybe not believe sometimes.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 83>>Hope and belief are not the same thing.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 84>>But they are closely related.\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 85>>Walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 86>>Martin Luther said it meant we should think of God as our true Father. So we could ask him "with all assurance" as dear children ask their dear father.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 87>>You pass a house where the sprinkler at the end of a green hose sends up a shower that glistens in the sun.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 88>>Your own father gave you everything he could. Until he was no longer your father.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 89>>You're also now aware that you never asked Our Father to save your father.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 90>>Sure, you asked Him to comfort and protect your dad, yes. \n\nBut you never asked for a miracle, a complete reversal of his disease, a true and complete bible-style miracle.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 91>><<replace "Was it a lack of faith?">>Or was it the knowledge that if you asked, and God said no, you would have lost both your fathers in that moment?\n\n<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 92>>God is inscrutable.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 93>>Right now, just walk and breathe.\n\nA cop passes by. You see the homeless dude in the back seat.\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 94>>...<<endif>><<if $ft eq 95>>Well, at least he's all right.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 96>>He must be all right, <<replace "right?">>because at least he'll get to sleep indoors, and get a hot meal.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 97>>Right?<<endif>><<if $ft eq 98>><<cyclinglink $piss "keep walking" "keep walking and think about homeless dude">><<endif>><<if $ft eq 99>><<if $piss eq "keep walking">>And you walk on.<<else>>Our Father, who art in heaven, the homeless dude said, hallowed be Thy name.<<endif>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 100>><<if $piss eq "keep walking">><<replace "You can't help it">>You think about the homeless dude's prayer again.\n\n<<replace "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.">>Luther called it the "First Petition."<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<else>>Luther called it the "First Petition".<<endif>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 101>>"Hallowed be Thy name."<<endif>><<if $ft eq 102>><<replace "Hallowed.">>Something to the effect that God's name is holy in itself.\n\nAnd when the "word of God" is taught and we as children live "in accordance with it" we are holy, too.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 103>>Luther also said this was impossible to do by one's own will or understanding.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 104>>Seriously, you can look it up.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 105>><<replace "God is inscrutable.">><<replace "---">><<replace "---">><<replace "---">>That's why this is a petition, Luther said. To ask god to help us do it. \n\nTo help us to be hallowed.<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 106>>There's that cat again.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 107>>Under a parked car.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 108>>Looking at you, like it thinks you can't see it.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 109>>Cats always seem so judgmental.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 110>>Like they know something you don't.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 111>>You're the one hiding under a car, cat. \n\n<<endif>><<if $ft eq 112>>And you see your father's face in your mind's eye, your father's corpse, lying on his death bed. \n\nEverything was completely white.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 113>>His skin.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 114>>His hair.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 115>><<replace "His eyelashes.">>His eyes were closed.<<endreplace>>\n\n<<replace "His mouth.">>His mouth was open.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 116>><<replace "You put your hand on his cold forehead, and his body was completely inert ">>and you said <<cyclinglink $what "good for you, dad" "good for you, father" "good for you, daddy">>.<<endreplace>><<endif>>\n<<if $ft eq 117>>It's not a memory you enjoy.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 118>>Yet it feels like a //hallowed// one.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 119>>And he was gone.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 120>>A butterfly floats across your path, on a flower-seeking mission.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 121>>Breathe.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 122>>Your calves and shins feel knotted. You've started walking too fast again.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 123>>Slow down. \n\nBreathe. \n\nWalk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 124>>You try to clear your mind.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 125>>You see <<cyclinglink $l1 "sidewalk" "pavement" "street signs">>, <<cyclinglink $l2 "houses" "yards" "trees">>, <<cyclinglink $l3 "parked cars" "moving cars" "blue sky">> as you slow down again.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 126>>There is a smell of exhaust and the smell of cut grass in the air, as you pass a house with a young man wrestling a noisy lawnmower across his lawn.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 127>>You're almost to the corner, where you turn and head for home.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 128>>And you'll be watching for that goddamn dog this time...<<endif>><<if $ft eq 129>>Walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 130>>You wish you'd brought water.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 131>>It's a beautiful day.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 132>>Uneven sidewalk here, careful.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 133>>You hear the playing children again.\n\n<<replace "Right on cue, the big mean dog charges to the end of his tether, barking viciously.">>It doesn't scare you this time. You even feel some empathy for the dog; this probably is all the excitement it ever gets, impotent bullying of passersby.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 134>>"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name."<<endif>><<if $ft eq 135>>According to the Old Book, Jesus himself said that payer.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 136>>God is inscrutable.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 137>>But Jesus was pretty cool.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 138>>Unless you're a rich person, or a proud person, or a cruel person.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 139>>Then he can be a little hard on you.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 140>>You think to yourself how grateful you are to be none of those things.\n\nThen you have to laugh at yourself, for your arrogance.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 141>>So you're supposed to call God your "only true Father", and ask His help to lead a holy life in "accordance" with God's Word, and hallowed name. <<endif>><<if $ft eq 142>>It just sounds like bunk. Because it just doesn't seem understandable.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 143>>And if Luther is right, we can't do it anyway without God's help.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 144>>And your father died at the end of a lot of suffering.\n\nFor both of you.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 145>>And there's the commandment: "honor your father and mother".<<endif>><<if $ft eq 146>>This stuff's so complicated.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 147>>Inscrutable.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 148>>But Jesus prayed that prayer.\n\nAnd said that the two most important things were to love God, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 149>>//THAT// feels hallowed.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 150>>You sigh, and walk onward.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 151>>Breathe.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 152>>The sun passes behind some trees.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 153>>Not much farther to go now.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 154>>You wipe the light sweat from your brow.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 155>>There is only the sound of your feet, the sounds of the city, and the sound of your breathing.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 156>>Another sparrow darts though your field of vision, toward parts unknown.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 157>>You walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 158>>You hear the song of a distant ice cream truck.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 159>>Damn, you could really go for some ice cream right now.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 160>>But it sounds like it's blocks away, and you're getting tired.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 161>>It's a little uphill now.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 162>>It will be, for the rest of the way home.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 163>>Your legs are getting a little rubbery.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 164>>Got to breathe.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 165>>Go easy.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 166>>Past those lovely lilacs again.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 167>>They smell just as sweet a second time.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 168>>And past the young jogger, heading the other way.\n\nWith his shirt off.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 169>>Walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 170>>You've had an eventful walk today, as these things go.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 171>>Almost got eaten, twice, by a mean dog.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 172>>Saw a judgmental cat.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 173>>Met a praying man with aluminium cans, and a sandpaper voice who got arrested.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 174>>Saw the Giant.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 175>>Thought about your father.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 176>>Which you hadn't done in a long time.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 177>>Your father was good to you all your life, then he got sick, and was a monster for awhile.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 178>>And he died.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 179>>And you walked that road with him to the end.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 180>>You loved him and tried to honor him, as your father.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 181>>When his disease took his mind, and when he was in so many ways no longer your father, you tried to love him as a neighbor.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 182>><<replace "Maybe that qualifies.">>As holy.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 183>>\n\nBirth, life and death, hallowed by the soul of the Universe. \n\nBy an inscrutable God, and half-ass embodied by the complicated human love of a father and child, and the messy, sacramental end it came to.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 184>>Complicated.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 185>>Confusing.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 186>>Painful.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 187>>Joyous. <<replace "Joyous?">>Yeah, joyous.\n\nIt was a helluva good life, all told.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 188>>You walk on.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 189>>You wonder sometimes, when you forget little things these days... if your end will be someday like his was.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 190>><<replace "That thought makes you shiver on this warm day.">>Best not to think about it.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 191>>Breathe, in through the nose, out through the mouth, deeply, from dan t'ien.\n\nLike you learned in those tai chi classes all those years ago.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 192>>The day is getting warmer.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 193>>It's almost hot now.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 194>>And you're almost to the crosswalk that leads you across the street, and then home.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 195>>You hear a plane overhead.\n\nIt streaks the sky with a vapor trail, as it heads east away from the afternoon sun.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 196>>You reach the crosswalk.\n\n<<replace "Wait to cross.">>Two cars go by, and then the street is clear to proceed.<<endreplace>><<endif>><<if $ft eq 197>>You make it across the street safely, as you have hundreds of times before.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 198>>Your home is just ahead, slightly uphill.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 199>>You imagine it will all be slightly uphill from now on.\n\nFrom here, all the way to the end.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 200>>But there is much to be done at home.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 201>>Things to do. Checks to write. People.\n\nPurpose.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 202>>Life yet left to live.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 203>>You feel good.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 204>>Our Father,<<endif>><<if $ft eq 205>>who art in heaven,<<endif>><<if $ft eq 206>>Hallowed<<endif>><<if $ft eq 207>>be Thy name.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 208>>Walk.<<endif>><<if $ft eq 209>>You're home.<<endif>><<if $ft gte 210>>You're home.\n\n\nHallowed\nby [[@mrtavo|http://toddmauldin.com/]]\n\n\n\n"Hallowed" is based on game code developed by [[porpentine|http://aliendovecote.com/]] in her game "climbing 208 feet up the ruin wall". It's a great game.\n<<endif>>\n\n
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